A Flight Attendant Shares the Unwritten Rules for Unoccupied Middle Seats on a Plane

Flying can be an adventure, but let’s face it—navigating the unspoken rules of airplane seating can feel like a minefield, especially when it comes to the dreaded middle seat. Is it a no-man’s-land, or does it come with privileges? For frequent flyers, the nuances of seating etiquette are second nature, but for the occasional traveler, these rules can be less obvious.

We spoke to a flight attendant who has seen it all—chaotic seat swaps, armrest battles, and even full-blown arguments. In this article, they share the insider tips and unspoken guidelines for handling unoccupied middle seats with grace and tact. Whether you’re a seasoned traveler or gearing up for your next flight, understanding these norms can make your journey smoother and even help you make a friend or two along the way.

Enjoy the flight.

“A heightened sense of humility and going out of your way for the other person, particularly on an airplane where it’s crowded, can help avoid a lot of problems,” said Foster. “So, taking the initiative in this is important, and it’s always my experience that it’s appreciated. And then you have a much more comfortable and enjoyable flight because the tension around any of the issues that could come up with this stuff is just eliminated.”

Communication is key.

Whether or not you like to engage in conversation with your fellow passengers, a little polite communication goes a long way when it comes to sharing bonus space equitably.

“Depending on whether or not you’re talking to the person, it’s not an overly forward gesture to ask whether they mind if you use the underseat space, or put a small item on the seat,” said John. “Anybody would respect that you didn’t just assume it was OK.”

Even for gestures that may benefit you both, like mutually using the middle tray table or putting up the flight map on the extra seatback screen, “don’t assume what the other person might take to be your best intent, but rather state it,” said Foster.

If language is a barrier, some gesturing and body language can be useful and polite. “You can still make your intent clear,” said Foster. “You’re not having a conversation about astrophysics; you’re having a conversation about where you might put your bag.”

Consider personal space.

While an entire row to yourself is yours to get extremely comfortable in, when it’s simply an unoccupied middle seat, “I wouldn’t move into it physically in any significant way,” said Foster, who explained this can feel intrusive to the other passenger, even if they weren’t planning to lay down or put their feet up themselves.

With an empty middle seat, you both get a little extra space for stretching out, crossing your legs, or leaning your head on the edge of the unoccupied headrest, but avoid negative energy or a potential altercation by not overtly extending yourself into a space that should be shared.

Be aware of safety considerations.

Don’t assume that, as means of dividing up the extra space equally, one of you can use the underseat storage while the other can use the seat.

“It’s cool if you want to put the airline pillow or blanket there, if you don’t intend to use them,” said John, adding that both passengers can take advantage of this. A jacket may also be placed on the middle seat, but nothing heavy can stay there at length for safety reasons, especially during takeoff and landing. “Sometimes, people will place a heavy backpack on the seat and put a seatbelt on it — that doesn’t work either,” he noted. “If you hit turbulence, that bag will fly in the air and potentially hit somebody.

It’s not first-come, first-served.

According to John, a common misconception among passengers is it’s simply a race to claim any free space when a middle seat is empty. “First-come, first-served is absolutely not a rule,” he said. Neither the person who first occupied the row, nor the first person to shove their bag under the middle seat, is automatically entitled to it.

“There’s nothing that protects that thinking in terms of ‘I got here first, so I get to use it,’” he added. So, if a flight attendant is called to mediate a dispute about extra space, don’t expect to invoke that logic with any success.